I read the post a couple of days ago.
It made me think of those nights over a year ago,
Nights I spent praying,
Thanking Him,
For I was hit with the realization of what He had really done for me.
The young girl in the post said it well:
". . . I'm so prideful, sinful, and I thought He might not take me . . ." (emphasis added)When I realize what He expects - holiness - and it hits me that I can never, ever reach this on my own, I feel this way, too.
He might not take me.
What would I do if He didn't?
The girl's words again ring true:
". . . I just thought: there's nothing else out there. There's nothing else worth living for. . . ."She's right.
I know she's right.
What else is worth living for?
". . . So I told Him: Even if you can't take me, even if I'm not enough . . . I'm still going to serve you anyway, because You are the only thing worth living for . . ."I want my soul to sing this, too.
I want to remember every day that He is the only thing worth living for -
Not me,
Not my favorite TV shows,
Not my music,
Him.
Then I want that to translate into the "Even if You can't take me . . ."
Even if You can't take me, I will serve You . . .
Because You are the only One worth living for.
Next came the words by the blogger whose music I like so much:
"Do I give myself to anything, not only not demanding a return . . . not only not expecting . . . but believing I do not deserve?"I suppose I give myself to many things not demanding a return,
A few less, but still many, not even expecting a return,
But do I give myself to anything believing I do not deserve a return?
I want to.
I want to . . .
Because I don't deserve.
Then more words, words reminding me of a book I read recently:
"Do we really, really believe that everything is gifted and not earned, grace? 'For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God . . .' (Ephesians 2:8)"I am slowly learning this, that all is grace.
All is grace . . .
And all is gift.
I want to keep leaning . . .
Because I don't deserve.
The last sentence before the second picture came closest to me, though,
Made me think, for this is a question that applies to me
Every
Single
Day:
"Will we keep making music, art, without awards or recognition?"Can I sing even when no one is listening?
Can I write even when no one will read?
Can I follow my passion for this music even when no one notices?
When it's just me and no one else hears or no one else thinks it's good, should I stop, as I did once before, . . .
Or should I remember that I do not deserve?
Once I recognize that I do not deserve,
Can I offer this as my gift,
My service (or, rather, a portion of it),
Imperfect as it may be?
Can I sing not to impress people,
But to give thanks to the One who treats me far better than I deserve?
Can I let praise be the only reason I play,
Gratitude be the only reason I write?
I was just about to go to bed last night.
Somehow, my mind ended up on the post I had read,
I knew it had touched me and I wanted to blog about it, so I let my mind go back to what I remembered most clearly of the post,
These two lines:
"Even if you can't take me . . ."and
"Will we keep making music, art, without awards or recognition?"Will I keep making music,
Making art,
Even though I receive no awards,
Even though hardly anyone recognizes my efforts?
Will I say "Even if You can't take me, I will still serve You and sing to You because You are the only One worth living for."?
I shouldn't have followed that train of thought.
It kept me up until 1 A.M. . . .
Writing.
You See Me
Well, people, they come
And, people, they go,
Flutter like the leaves
That the wind blows.
Some like to stay
And some like to hear,
But none stay for long.
They all disappear.
Can I sing
Even when no one is listening?
Can I write
Even when no one else reads these lines?
Can I learn
To put out the fire of passion that burns
Or can I see
That You see me?
The melodies come
And the melodies go.
I sit down to play
In a room, alone.
I pour all my heart
Into giving songs life,
But nobody sees
What I'm doing tonight.
Can I sing
Even when no one is listening?
Can I write
Even when no one else reads these lines?
Can I learn
To put out the fire of passion that burns
Or can I see
That You see me?
Here, behind a closed door,
I'm penciling rhymes.
Here, behind eighty-eight keys,
I sing and I cry, . . .
“Why do I write
When no one will see?
Why do I play
When no one is listening?”, . . .
But SomeOne is listening.
You are listening.
Can I sing
When You are the only One listening?
Can I write
When only You and I will ever read these lines?
Can I learn
To let the passion in me burn?
Can I see
That You see me?
Help me to see
That You see me.
You see me,
And I do not deserve even this.
Teach me to do everything not demanding a return,
Not expecting a return,
But, most importantly, believing with all my heart that I do not deserve a return,
For everything good about me,
Every good thing I do,
Isn't really me at all.
It's You -
Your grace -
And I do not deserve.
Psalm 69:30-31
Contemporary English Version (CEV)
with a song
and a thankful heart.
31This will please the LORD
better than offering an ox
or a full-grown bull
The post that this post refers to is "Even if you can't take me . . .", written by Christa Wells. Many thanks to this singer-songwriter for both her inspiring music and her inspiring posts.
The song "You See Me" (which would be the portions of this post that are italicized and bolded) was written by me, Mary Schieferstein, very, very early this morning and is copyrighted - ©2011 Mary Schieferstein
The verse at the end (Psalm 69:30-31 CEV) is indeed (yes, I could not resist inserting a funny "indeed" video) the one typed on the card resting on my keyboard - the card that can be seen in at least one of the pictures used in this blog.
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