Maybe it's just me,
But I have a hard time sometimes
Remembering that people on stages,
People writing words,
People doing amazing things,
Are people -
I really do,
That they are -
That they're just as sinful and messed-up as I am,
But it looks so much like they've got it all together,
So much like they're so much better than I am,
So much like they're, well, pretty much perfect.
In some ways, that encourages and inspires me to be better myself;
In others, it makes me almost idolize people.
Maybe you know, too,
How people are always saying things about you
That you don't feel you deserve?
And I'm not talking about the bad things,
But the good ones -
Glimpses of how others see you,
That you are so appreciative of,
But you feel that what they're saying is wrong
Because they can't see your heart.
So, I know you already know this,
But, maybe just a reminder?
Because I need to be honest with you.
I need you to know that I am such a mess,
And that all this good you're seeing?
It's not really me.
You see, I know that you weren't there this weekend
Watching me yell at my brother for not listening to me,
Ignore my sister's tears.
I know that you weren't in the room
When I spent hours on my computer
Instead of being with my family.
I know that you might never imagine
The ugly thoughts that go through my head
And that, sometimes, I cling to the very things I ought to be trying to kill.
I know that you might never realize
That sometimes I can be so selfish
And desire attention I shouldn't have.
I know that you don't see me
When I fall asleep praying,
Or cut back on prayer time to catch a few more minutes of rest.
I know that you're not listening
To the things I say out loud I never should've,
The things I say to God I know aren't true.
I know you're not keeping track
Of how many days you can see my joy in Christ
And how many days you can't.
I know the ratio probably looks a lot worse than you think it does.
I know you see the good in me -
The things I often struggle to see
As I wrestle with the state of my heart.
I know you say such nice things,
Like, "such a heart for Jesus",
And, "so humble and such a tender spirit".
I know that you mean them,
And I am so grateful,
So honored to know you see something in me I don't see in myself,
So inspired to strive all the harder to become what you're seeing.
I also know that the heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately sick,
And I may not be able to understand my heart,
The depths of wickedness rooted in my soul,
But I've seen some,
And it's ugly,
And most times I hate it,
But sometimes I don't.
And I need you to know that.
Really, really know that.
Because I'm not perfect.
Not even close.
I know you already know this,
But all this good you're seeing?
Always, only Him,
Doing His work,
Making me into something I could never be on my own.
So I hope that, when you say these things about me,
As I try to do when I say these things about you,
You have in the front of your mind that I'm a person, just like you are,
And God is the One who has done these things,
So all of the Glory goes to Him -
The only Perfect One.
I know you do.
But I needed to say this,
Because I needed to remind myself.
Always, only, all Him.
I didn't intend to use this as an example,
But I don't have any reasons to share with you today,
Because, quite honestly, I've been so busy with school that I forgot.
But maybe you have some to share with me?
I always appreciate reading what others are learning about God!
It teaches me so much!
(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000! So amazing to think of who He is like this!)
<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zkGH23srZ8/T2i3Bun0O9I/AAAAAAAABSw/8giPvnJmCPI/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>
Counting in community:
Also linking up over here,
Because maybe this really is radical?
I think the world would call it radical,
To say that I'm not and He is,
Crazy to confess to a watching world
That I am an absolute wreck,
And everything good in me is Him.
So, the practice of radical?
I'm going down,
Because down is up.
(Or, at least, I'm going to try.)
Would you take time to read some of the other posts?
It'll mean the world to those bloggers if you'd read,
Maybe even comment?
Thank you so much!