My World

Okay, I've given up.  This is my regular Wednesday post.  I'm buried under too much homework right now to even think about doing two this week.  On the bright side, it was a great prompt, so hopefully this won't be too disappointing:

My world is dirty.

I walk on dirt roads.

I sleep on a dirt floor.

Dirt covers every inch of me.

My world is dirty.

My world is empty.

The house is empty.

My pockets are empty.

My stomach is empty.

My heart is empty.

My world is empty.

My world is heavy.

My father's eyes are heavy.

My mother's fears are heavy.

My classmates' words are heavy.

The weight on my chest is heavy.

The future looms, heavy.

My world is heavy.

My world is numbered.

Twenty-four, the number of hours lasting too long yet never long enough.

Nineteen, the number of minutes it takes to walk to the nearest water source.

Fourteen, the number of years Mama had lived when my oldest sister was born.

Eight, the number of people in our family.

Four, the number of jobs Mama and Papa had last week.

Zero, the number of jobs they have now.

My world is numbered.

My world is shadowed.

No matter how many times my siblings and I race,

No matter how many happy songs we sing,

No matter how many hugs my parents give me,

Nothing washes away the dirt,

Nothing fills the emptiness,

Nothing lifts the heaviness,

Nothing erases the numbers.

Those things are always there,

Haunting me.

My world is shadowed.

But,

Even in the shadows,

There are always tiny hints of light.

There is a church near where I live.

The pastor is very nice.

He and several other people run a center there.

"Compassion International," they say,

And the things they tell me light candles in the dark corners of my soul.

They tell me about Jesus.

I love to hear about Jesus.

We sing about Him, too.

Those are some of my favorite songs.

It makes me so happy to think about Him,

And speaking His Name chases all the shadows away.

I have a sponsor.

She is very nice.

She sends me lots and lots of letters.

I feel very blessed.

A lot of children do not get letters from their sponsors.

She tells me about what is going on in her life,

Holidays she celebrates,

Things she reads in the Bible.

She always starts her letters by asking how I am,

How my family is doing.

She always ends them with a Bible verse,

Then signs her name with love.

She tells me she is praying for me.

I pray for her, too.

Every day.

My sponsor is a student.

She only works during the summers.

I think she might worry sometimes that she doesn't have a lot to give me.

I know some sponsors give extra money to their sponsored children,

Their children's families.

My sponsor sends me a little money for my birthday,

Christmas,

But I think she wishes she could give me more.

I want to tell her it doesn't matter,

That the best thing she could give me is love,

And she gives that to me in abundance.

It's in every word of every letter she writes,

The Bible verses she tucks in at the ends,

The smile on her face in the picture she sent,

The one where she holds a picture of me in her hands.

Sometimes, my world still looks dirty,

Empty,

Heavy,

Shadowed,

But I'm starting to find hope.

I am loved by so many people -

My parents,

My sponsor,

The people at church,

God -

And all those people want the best for me.

I am starting to hope that,

Someday,

My world will not be shadowed and dark,

That I will not have to worry about having two jobs or zero jobs,

Many fears and empty pockets.

I think that if I work hard

And trust God,

He will take care of me.

I think He has amazing plans for me!

Maybe,

Someday,

I'll be an artist,

And I'll draw pictures that thousands of people will see.

I could show them pictures of the world I grew up in.

Maybe if they saw the would start to understand.

Maybe if they understood they would help.

Or maybe I'll be a doctor,

And help the sick people in my village who can't afford to get better,

Or an author,

And write a book about my life.

I don't know.

I'll have to pray a lot and see where God leads me,

But I know that,

Wherever that is,

It will be good.

My world is dirty,

Empty,

Heavy,

Numbered,

Dark.

But God?

He washes all the dirt away,

Fills all the empty places,

Lifts every burden,

Erases every digit,

And makes the darkness flee.

He holds out His hand and says,

"Welcome.

Welcome to My world." 

Reasons 2405-2466 today,

Looking at who He is,

Always looking,

Seeking to know Him more: 

***These reasons have been removed.  For more information, please read this post.  To read other reasons, view any posts with the label 10,000 Reasons from August 30, 2012 or earlier, or from October 10, 2012 or later.***

This is the last week of Compassion blog month!

As of Monday, 2,297 children have been sponsored.

Our goal is 3,108.

That means 811 still need to be sponsored.

You can help!!!

Please visit the Compassion Sponsor a Child page and pray for or consider sponsoring one of the wonderful children listed there.  For more ideas on how you can pray, please refer to the list given in this post.

Compassion Blog Month posts (2012):
     -  Compassion Blog Month! 
     -  Dear Daddy, . . .
     -  Pintrest Contest!!!
     -  My World
     -  On why there was no post yesterday . . . (Blog Month results!)

Counting 10,000 Reasons to worship Him: 

(Take the challenge with us!  Please?  Sylvia's taking a hiatus, and I'd love some company.  You won't regret it!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitidrfBKBWTHSBiWyh3WMRKjHFgYKk-RxjYB9-uePQb1-uI3t3bjysPnR65zloJJ0LgTqhT5kW70Rk8VOC2utXFUWhGRPIxNCqzZ_9YQryYPMJdj2XpiX0oawLUiMnmxFOeMkmjk3IIA/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community:




  And linking up at A Holy Experience today, talking about suffering.  It seemed appropriate.

Also, please look at some of the other beautiful posts found at the bottom of this one.  Maybe bless the author with a comment?  It's a blessing to know that God has used your imperfect words to bless another.



  

Pintrest Contest!!!

So, now that my Internet's working again

(I had to copy my last post and publish it from a friends laptop because my wifi showed bars but didn't do anything)

And I have time

I can finally tell you about what's going on with Compassion this week!!!!!

As part of Blog Month, Compassion is having a Pintrest contest!

That means that you can join me in spreading the word about Compassion and what they're doing in a few easy clicks!!!

It's so easy that you really don't have an excuse!

Visit this page to read the rules,

Then follow the instructions to help promote Compassion!

Did I mention there will be prizes?

Now you really have no excuses.

(Unless you don't sponsor a child,

In which case, I recommend visiting this page and doing so.

You won't regret it!

Now you have no excuses.)

Remember our goal of 3,108 children sponsored this month?

We're halfway there!

As of Monday, 1,515 children have been sponsored.

That means there's only 1,593 more to go!

We can do this!

And you can help!

Spread the word about Compassion by participating in the Pintrest contest

And encourage all your friends to join you in helping the poor!

Also, please keep praying for all of the children -

The ones that have been sponsored this month, and the ones that haven't,

And all the other children that still won't be two weeks from now, whether we reach our goal or not.

Prayer really is a powerful thing,

And a few minutes could make a huge difference.

Thank you so much for your support!

Happy pinning!

Please visit the Compassion Sponsor a Child page and pray for or consider sponsoring one of the wonderful children listed there.  For more ideas on how you can pray, please refer to the list given in this post.

Compassion Blog Month posts (2012):
     -  Compassion Blog Month! 
     -  Dear Daddy, . . .
     -  Pintrest Contest!!!
     -  My World
     -  On why there was no post yesterday . . . (Blog Month results!)



 

The Box (or "The Particular Problem of Job 9:23")

I like to put God in a box.

I'm not sure why I do this.

Probably the same reason all of American Christianity tries to box Him in -

I think He'd be better if He was just loving,

Merciful,

Gracious.

Then I read my Bible,

And I'm forced to accept that He's much more than that:

Just,

Righteous,

Wrathful.

As my view of God expands,

I find myself falling more and more in love with Him

As the depths of the valley show me just how tall the mountain really is

And I can make out that stream coming right toward me -

Filling me.

I tell myself that God's much better this way,

As He is.

I should stop trying to put Him in a box.

For reasons beyond my understanding,

I do anyway.

This counting -

These reasons -

They've forced me to look carefully at the Bible,

Look for who God is in each verse.

Most of it hasn't been too much of a surprise,

Just opened my eyes slightly more,

Made me feel more joy in and love for God than I've ever felt before.

Then I got to the book of Job,

And, really, how do you handle Job?

Job is upset and grieving,

But did he ever speak anything about God that wasn't true?

Job's friends assumed that they knew why Job was suffering.

They didn't.

Does that mean that what they said about God was wrong?

This is the only book I've counted through and run to my study Bible,

Heart screaming,

Not because I didn't understand the text,

But because I couldn't believe it to be true.

God can't be like that.

I read it,

Right there,

In the middle of the chapter,

And just think,

"No!",

And everything in me is struggling to reinforce the walls of my box,

Hold God in as though I could contain Him,

And how can I believe in a God like this,

How can I accept One who would do such a thing?

The text haunts me:

Job 9:23

New International Version (NIV)

²³ When a scourge brings sudden death,
    he mocks the despair of the innocent.

"He mocks the despair of the innocent."

God.

Mocks.

The innocent. 

That is not okay!

Mocking is bad.

God is Good.

I like God being Good.

I like Him to do the things I think are good,

Not do the things I think are bad.

I like my box.

I want to keep it.

But He just keeps punching right through the sides

And hitting me right in the chest

And sometimes the truth can hurt you more than anything else,

But the truth is the only thing that can heal you.

Sometimes the wounds heal wrong and have to be re-opened so they can heal right.

Sometimes my mind's wrong and has to be blown to pieces so He can put it back together the way it's supposed to be.

I run to my ESV study Bible,

Read through the notes carefully,

Searching for something,

Anything,

That says something along the lines of,

"In verse 23, Job says that God mocks the despair of the innocent.

That's not really true, . . ."

I didn't find it.

I sat there,

Bible open on my lap,

Struggling to wrap my mind around this incomprehensible God,

And how One whose love and mercy is great enough

To forgive those whose offense against Him is infinite,

To send His Son to die,

Take the punishment

So we could be seen as righteous,

He could be seen as Just,

True to His Word -

How He -

He -

Could "mock the despair of the innocent".

How can these things be possible?

The box is so much easier,

So much simpler.

This?

This is hard.

I log on to post about my struggles with Job,

Realizing I still don't understand,

And I keep searching,

Searching the context,

Searching Blue Letter Bible,

The Online Parallel Bible,

But all the context tells me is that Job was upset,

But he was still speaking such truth about God!

All Blue Letter Bible tells me

Is that the Hebrew word la'ag really does mean "to mock, deride, ridicule",

And all that the online parallel Bible tells me

Is that some of the commentators don't seem to have very good theology.

(As in, of course God afflicts willingly.  No one's forcing God to do anything.  He's God.  And He knows what He's doing.)

I don't know what to think,

I don't know what to believe,

I don't know who to trust,

So I'll run back to Him.

I'll think the way He tells me to,

No matter how much I want to think otherwise.

I'll believe what He says,

No matter how difficult I find it.

I'll trust Him,

Because He's the only One I can trust.

Period.

One of my friends once told me that he didn't like The Case for Christ

Because he felt that the people tried too hard to prove things.

John Piper said in the seminar I listened to yesterday 

That we need to be careful not to overuse logic.

Logic should never change or take the place of what the Bible says.

I told my sister this summer that God was not born.

She couldn't believe it.

I asked her if she could believe in spite of it. 

I could use all my powers of wisdom to try to prove that God is who I say He is,

I could use logic and try to explain why God mocks the despair of the innocent,

I could do anything and everything to not believe that God is who He says He is,

But all of it it would just be futile efforts,

Steps in the wrong direction,

Me trying to put God in a box again.

I can't understand this text.

And I don't have to.  

I just have to trust Him in spite of it.

If He's Good, then His "mocking of the despair of the innocent" can't be bad.

If He works all things together for our good, then this, too, must be.

If He's Loving, then not even this could cause Him to stop loving me.

If He is, I'm going to trust Him,

And the only reason I can trust Him is because He is,

Because He is who He is.

Logic's going out the window.

My box is being ripped to shreds.

I am struggling because I can't comprehend the incomprehensible.

I type seven words into a document on my computer,

Followed by the reference,

The words that pushed me right off the cliff,

The ledge I'm hanging onto for life:

2270.  He mocks the despair of the innocent (Job 9:23)

They're in the list I copy into a blog post.

Some of the comments suggest confusion similar to my own.

And so I post these words here,

In the hopes that they will help someone else:

I don't know.

I can't understand.

And I'm learning to be okay with that,

The same way I'm learning that,

No matter how much it hurts,

I need to see Him as He is.

I've got to get rid of this box.

Or, at least, I've got to try.

Reasons 2286-2404 today,

Struggling to rip more holes in this cardboard,

Clinging to these texts even though I don't understand

Because I need this.

I need Him as He is:

***These reasons have been removed.  For more information, please read this post.  To read other reasons, view any posts with the label 10,000 Reasons from August 30, 2012 or earlier, or from October 10, 2012 or later.***

Counting 10,000 Reasons to worship Him: 

(Take the challenge with us!  Please?  Sylvia's taking a hiatus, and I'd love some company.  You won't regret it!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitidrfBKBWTHSBiWyh3WMRKjHFgYKk-RxjYB9-uePQb1-uI3t3bjysPnR65zloJJ0LgTqhT5kW70Rk8VOC2utXFUWhGRPIxNCqzZ_9YQryYPMJdj2XpiX0oawLUiMnmxFOeMkmjk3IIA/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community:

Dear Daddy, . . .

For those of you looking for my usual Wednesday post,

It is, in fact, here,

And I'm quite excited to share it with all of you,

But I'm also excited that it's Compassion Blog Month,

So I want to share this with you first.

The link to my Wednesday post is at the bottom of this one.

Dear God,

Father,

Daddy

Oh, teach me to call You that!

Thank You so much for the way You've been putting the poor on my heart.

I love to see the way You work -

How You take the normal,

Ordinary,

Everyday things -

The blogs I read,

The books I read,

The Bible verses I memorize -

And use them to point me toward what You want me to do.

I love the way You know how to get through to me,

The way You show me that people and relationships are more important than cool toys,

The way You've taught me what to do with my money,

No matter what my parents say.

I love the way You put a people right in front of me to pray about,

Then led me to think about sponsoring a child,

The way the impatience I struggle with led me to those who'd been waiting the longest,

The way You put the date right there on the page.

I know You did it for me, God,

Because I know You know just how thick my skull is,

And just how to get through it.

It's just so beautiful, God -

The way You've planned this relationship,

The way You led me to a girl who needs me,

And just prove

Again and again

That I need her more.

This relationship You've blessed me with

Has opened my eyes in ways I'd never imagined.

You've shown me glimpses of a world so different from my own,

Deep theology in a child's simple words,

The grace of a simple meal,

The beauty in writing I can't read,

The way You connect the hearts of two people who have never met,

And maybe never will.

God, I am just blown away by the way You work!

You do it again and again,

Orchestrate these perfect plans,

Work everything together for our good and Your Glory.

It's such grace.

All grace.

Thank You, God, for the crazy (yet perfect!) ways in which You lead me.

Thank You, God, for an organization dedicated to doing Your work.

Thank You, God, for a girl halfway around the world,

A girl whose name I can't even pronounce,

A picture on my fridge,

A letter I have memorized,

A love that defies all logic -

Kind of like Your love.

Thank You for teaching me.

Thank You for humbling me.

Thank You for allowing me to do this,

Even though it seems risky,

Even though people might question what a so-called “poor college student” is doing,

Committing to over five hundred dollars a year

In the hopes of touching one life.

It seems crazy.

I know it's not.

I know I can't change the world.

I can't even get myself out of bed in the morning!

But You, God?

You can do anything.

And, if You'll take this small gift,

If You'll take these imperfect words,

If You'll take this relationship,

I know You can make amazing things happen -

For both of us.

I see it already.

Thank You.

Thank You, God, for this Compassion blog month.

Thank You for the opportunity to share with others what a blessing sponsorship is.

Thank You for the opportunity to use this tiny bit of influence You have blessed me with to spread the word,

To make an impact for those 3,108 children.

I pray that You would move in people's hearts,

To provide sponsors for all the children,

Life-changing relationships for all the sponsors,

Even blow this goal out of the water with the number of people who respond, God.

I know I've seen You glorify Yourself in that way before.

I thank You so much for the 837 people You've already moved to sponsor children,

Pray for the 2,271 more.

You know the need, God.

I pray that You would glorify Yourself in bringing help and rescue -

To the physically poor and to the spiritually poor.

Above all, Lord, I pray that Your will would be done.

I know You know what is best.

Thank You again, Lord, for all of this.

I don't deserve any of it.

You are so gracious,

And You bless so abundantly!

I can never thank You enough.

In the name of Your precious Son,

In Whose Name I place all my hope,

Amen.

Please visit the Compassion Sponsor a Child page and pray for or consider sponsoring one of the wonderful children listed there.  For more ideas on how you can pray, please refer to the list given in this post.

Compassion Blog Month posts (2012):
     -  Compassion Blog Month! 
     -  Dear Daddy, . . .
     -  Pintrest Contest!!!
     -  My World
     -  On why there was no post yesterday . . . (Blog Month results!)

This week's "regular Wednesday post":
     - My Rainbow

 

My Rainbow

I woke up Thursday morning and did what I do every morning -

Listened to a sermon.

I was in the middle of a series on TULIP,
 
The five doctrines of Calvinism.

I figured that,

Now that I know that there are words for what I've come to believe,
 
I ought to know the generally accepted meaning behind those words.

So, I found a seminar that John Piper did on the subject.

Thursday morning, I was listening to the part about Total Depravity,

Trying to wrap my head around the extent of human sin,

The extent of my sin.

I walked to class trying to meditate on that,

Hoping that if I could get my head to understand,

My heart might get it, too.

The head part was easy.

The heart part?  Not so much.

I thought anyway.

And thought,

And thought,

And thought,

Until dinner,

When I did what I normally do for dinner:

Heated up some food,

And sat down to listen to a sermon.

(Yes, I do often listen to two sermons a day.

It's how I resist the temptation to watch endless YouTube videos

Or the latest episode of Sanctuary or NCIS.

It also helps me to learn.

Yes, I realize that most people don't listen to this many sermons a day.

It's okay.

Normal is overrated.)

I am also in the middle of a great series

(Also by John Piper)

On the pleasures of God.

Thursday, I listened to "The Pleasure of God in Election".

(Which happened to coincide nicely with the TULIP series I'm listening to.)

It was a really great sermon.

I took good notes.

Of course, none of it meant too much to me.

Well, none of it meant too much to me until,

All of a sudden,

When He was talking about election being the "most precious act of love in the universe",

Something changed in my heart,

And, in an instant,

It was like going back in time five months,

And He was there,

And I was talking to Him like five months ago was five minutes ago,

Just driven to praise,

Totally in awe,

And filled with joy.

I heard thunder rolling outside,

Hadn't known that it was supposed to rain.

"You did that, God!

And it's so loud,

So beautiful!

I could never do anything so wondrous!"

And so the conversation continued

As I grabbed my rain jacket,

Pulled on my tennis shoes,

And headed outside to walk to class.

I was just so happy,

So joyful,

Praising God for the beauty of the rain,

Loving the chance to be outside in it,

Amazed at how it had been pouring a moment before,

Now was just a sprinkle,

The clouds were moving past me,

The sun shining behind me.

Wait.

The sun's shining behind me.

It's raining,

And the sun's shining -

Brightly.

There should be a rainbow.

I began searching everywhere,

Almost frantically.

"That would be just like You, God,

To give me joy in You again,

Then to show me a rainbow,

To put a rainbow in the sky just for me.

You know how much I love rainbows."

I searched

And searched

And searched

And searched . . .

And then I found it -

Just a hint of the top.

I would've certainly missed it if I hadn't been looking.

I was so excited.

"Thank You, God!

You gave me a rainbow!

Thank You so, so much!"

There was a bounce in my step as I continued walking,

Seeing the beauty in the storm clouds to my right,

Praising God as I passed green trees

And came to an intersection

And suddenly stopped,

Turned,

Hands over my mouth,

For there,

Right over one of the buildings,

Was at least a third of a very beautiful rainbow,

Clear and shining bright against the sky,

And I was just overcome with gratitude.

The bit of the top was beautiful,

Enough,

This was just so much more,

An abundance of grace.

It blew me away.

I pulled out my cell phone

(The one that barely takes pictures?)

Because it was the only camera I had,

And I just had to get a picture of this,

This beautiful arc in the sky,

A symbol of God's gift to me that day,

A gift in and of itself:

A gorgeous rainbow.

My rainbow.

Whatever He did seems to be continuing this time,

At least to a point.

I definitely feel better than I've felt all summer,

And have actually been able to worship and praise on a regular basis.

It's still not what it once was,

But it's so much better than it has been in a long time,

And I am so, so grateful for this precious gift.

I may never take this feeling for granted again.

(Though, considering how forgetful I am, it's likely I will.  Still, it would be nice . . .)

I am so, so blessed,

And that makes me want to bless . . .

(Bet you can guess what's coming . . .)

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
O my soul,
Worship His Holy Name,
Sing like never before,
O my soul,
I'll worship Your Holy Name . . .

Reasons 2162-2285 today,

Continuing to bless the Lord,

Just

Because

He

Is:

***These reasons have been removed.  For more information, please read this post.  To read other reasons, view any posts with the label 10,000 Reasons from August 30, 2012 or earlier, or from October 10, 2012 or later.***

Counting 10,000 Reasons to worship Him: 

(Take the challenge with us!  Please?  Sylvia's taking a hiatus, and I'd love some company.  You won't regret it!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitidrfBKBWTHSBiWyh3WMRKjHFgYKk-RxjYB9-uePQb1-uI3t3bjysPnR65zloJJ0LgTqhT5kW70Rk8VOC2utXFUWhGRPIxNCqzZ_9YQryYPMJdj2XpiX0oawLUiMnmxFOeMkmjk3IIA/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community: