"No matter where I am, your teachings fill me with songs." - Psalm 119:54 (CEV)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

When Your Worst Enemy is Yourself

Days and weeks press in,

Beautiful moments forgotten,

Overshadowed by my constant failures,

And the words I always seem to find

Suddenly aren't there.

I am struggling to process all of this,

Struggling to understand this mess I am,

This sickness in my heart,

Working it out in rhymes and melodies,

But when it comes to text on a screen,

My mind suddenly goes blank,

Not yet ready,

Not done trying to make sense

Of anything and everything

And why life is like this.

I know He said it once -

That if your hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off.

If your eye causes you to sin, you should pluck it out.

And I know -

I know -

It's not meant that literally,

But I can't help but wonder

What do you do when your enemy is yourself?

I can remove myself from the TV,

Remove myself from the computer,

Remove myself from the food,

The sleep,

The relationships

My wicked heart desires.

It isn't easy,

But I can do it.

How, though -

How -

Am I supposed to get away from myself?

I feel like I'm walking into a wall,

Walking into it over and over again,

And I'm just stuck in this place,

In this pit I've dug for myself,

And how on earth will I ever get out?

And that's the key, isn't it?

Nothing "on earth" is going to help me.

I can't fix this.

Other people can't fix this for me.

I am not in control.

My heart comes up with these crazy desires,

And "say, 'no'" isn't a permanent solution,

And whitewashing walls doesn't clean up the filthy mess my heart is.

I can't control my desires.

I can't control my thoughts.

I can't change my heart.

I stammer it out on Friday morning,

Trying to find the words at 6 AM

For all these things I still don't quite understand,

All these distracctions,

This struggle with focus,

The thoughts and desires I can't change,

And we run to the One who can,

The only One capable of fixing all things,

Changing stubborn hearts and minds,

And we run after Him,


When we see Him,

All this other stuff loses its hold,

For what powers of darkness can stand

In the presence of True Light?

Romans 8:26-30

English Standard Version (ESV)
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Philippians 1:6

English Standard Version (ESV)
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Reasons 2378-2462 today,

Seeking after the only One

Who can change a heart like mine:
  1. The heavens declare His glory (Psalm 19:1)
  2. The skies proclaim the work of His hands (Psalm 19:1)
  3. He has pitched a tent for the sun in the heavens (Psalm 19:4)
  4. His law is perfect (Psalm 19:7)
  5. His law is perfect, refreshing the soul (Psalm 19:7)
  6. His statutes are trustworthy (Psalm 19:7)
  7. His statutes are trustworthy, making wise the simple (Psalm 19:7)
  8. His precepts are right (Psalm 19:8)
  9. His precepts are right, giving joy to the heart (Psalm 19:8)
  10. His commands are radiant (Psalm 19:8)
  11. His commands are radiant, giving light to the eyes (Psalm 19:8)
  12. His fear is pure (Psalm 19:9)
  13. His fear is pure, enduring forever (Psalm 19:9)
  14. His decrees are firm (Psalm 19:9)
  15. His decrees are firm, and all of them are righteous (Psalm 19:9)
  16. His decrees are more precious than gold (Psalm 19:9-10)
  17. His decrees are more precious than much pure gold (Psalm 19:9-10)
  18. His decrees are sweeter than honey (Psalm 19:9-10)
  19. His decrees are sweeter than honey from the honeycomb (Psalm 19:9-10)
  20. He is Redeemer (Psalm 19:14)
  21. He gives victory to His anointed (Psalm 20:6)
  22. He answers His anointed from his heavenly sanctuary (Psalm 20:6)
  23. He answers His anointed from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of His right hand (Psalm 20:6)
  24. His people trust in His Name (Psalm 20:7)
  25. His people rejoice in His strength (Psalm 21:1)
  26. His people take joy in the victories He has given them (Psalm 21:1)
  27. Through His unfailing love, His people will not be shaken (Psalm 21:7)
  28. His hand will lay hold on all His enemies (Psalm 21:8)
  29. His right hand will seize His foes (Psalm 21:8)
  30. When He appears for battle, He will burn His enemies up as in a blazing furnace (Psalm 21:9)
  31. He will swallow up His enemies in wrath (Psalm 21:9)
  32. He will swallow up His enemies in wrath, and His fire will consume them (Psalm 21:9)
  33. He will destroy the descendants of His enemies from the earth (Psalm 21:10)
  34. He will destroy the posterity of His enemies from mankind (Psalm 21:10)
  35. Those who plot evil against Him cannot succeed (Psalm 21:11)
  36. Those who devise wicked schemes against Him cannot succeed (Psalm 21:11)
  37. He makes His enemies turn their backs (Psalm 21:12)
  38. He makes His enemies turn their backs when He aims at them with drawn bow (Psalm 21:12)
  39. He is exalted in His strength (Psalm 21:13)
  40. His people sing and praise His might (Psalm 21:13)
  41. He chooses not to answer His people (Psalm 22:2)
  42. He is enthroned as the Holy One (Psalm 22:3)
  43. He is the one Israel praises (Psalm 22:3)
  44. He delivers those who trust Him (Psalm 22:4)
  45. He saves those who cry out to Him (Psalm 22:5)
  46. He does not put those who trust in Him to shame (Psalm 22:5)
  47. He brings people out of the womb (Psalm 22:9)
  48. He makes people trust in Him (Psalm 22:9)
  49. He makes people trust in Him, even at their mothers' breasts (Psalm 22:9)
  50. He is the strength of His people (Psalm 22:19)
  51. He is to be honored (Psalm 22:23)
  52. He is to be revered (Psalm 22:23)
  53. He has not despised the suffering of the afflicted one (Psalm 22:24)
  54. He has not scorned the suffering of the afflicted one (Psalm 22:24)
  55. He has not hidden His face from the afflicted one (Psalm 22:24)
  56. He has listened to the afflicted one's cry for help (Psalm 22:24)
  57. The theme of His people's praise in the great assembly comes from Him (Psalm 22:25)
  58. All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to Him (Psalm 22:27)
  59. All the families of the nations will bow down before Him (Psalm 22:27)
  60. Dominion belongs to Him (Psalm 22:28)
  61. He rules over the nations (Psalm 22:28)
  62. All who go down to the dust will kneel before Him (Psalm 22:29)
  63. All who go down to the dust will kneel before Him – those who cannot keep themselves alive (Psalm 22:29)
  64. Posterity will serve Him (Psalm 22:30)
  65. Future generations will be told about Him (Psalm 22:30)
  66. Future generations will proclaim His righteousness (Psalm 22:30-31)
  67. Future generations will proclaim His righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it! (Psalm 22:30-31)
  68. He is His people's shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
  69. He makes His people lie down in green pastures (Psalm 23:2)
  70. He leads His people beside quiet waters (Psalm 23:2)
  71. He refreshes His people's souls (Psalm 23:3)
  72. He guides His people along the right paths (Psalm 23:3)
  73. He guides His people along the right paths for His name's sake (Psalm 23:3)
  74. He is with His people (Psalm 23:4)
  75. His rod comforts His people (Psalm 23:4)
  76. His staff comforts His people (Psalm 23:4)
  77. He prepares a table before His people (Psalm 23:5)
  78. He prepares a table before His people in the presence of their enemies (Psalm 23:5)
  79. He anoints His people's heads with oil (Psalm 23:5)
  80. He causes His people's cups to overflow (Psalm 23:5)
  81. His goodness follows His people (Psalm 23:6)
  82. His love follows His people (Psalm 23:6)
  83. His goodness follows His people all the days of their lives (Psalm 23:6)
  84. His love follows His people all the days of their lives (Psalm 23:6)
  85. His people will dwell in His house forever (Psalm 23:6)

(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000!  So amazing to think of who He is like this!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zkGH23srZ8/T2i3Bun0O9I/AAAAAAAABSw/8giPvnJmCPI/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community:



Sylvia R said...

So glad you arrived at that so-right conclusion! I kept thinking as I read, how all this is why it is so good to be "crucified with Christ," so that, instead of us trying to live out righteousness (big fail!), Jesus Christ now living in us can!
Blessings to you!

Mary said...

Thank you, Sylvia! I really am so incapable on my own. It has to be Him - always all Him!
Blessings to you, too, friend!

Deena said...

This brings to mind that the way to get away from "self" is to give to others. Jesus did go alone to pray and rest, but HE gave Himself to others most of HIS day.
When I have felt too much about myself, I have found that drawing my attention away by blessing other, though something as simple as a note of encouragement can change my attitude and in turn brighten their day.
Blessings little sister in Christ. You have blessed me today.

Mary said...

Thank you, Deena! Thanks for the advice, too. Shy as I am, it's probably something I need to work on.

You have blessed me! Thank you so much for your words!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...