I've been hiding.
For a year, now, I've been hiding.
I've hidden behind excuses
And thoughts that I am not good enough,
That no one would ever want to listen,
Would ever care what I had to say.
Those aren't the real reasons I've been hiding, though.
I've been hiding because I've been afraid.
Ever since I started out on this crazy journey,
Then He led me to pursue,
I've been saying, "God will get me where He wants me."
The problem is, I haven't been living it.
I've been living like I had to do this whole, crazy, risky thing all by myself.
I came quietly, shyly, last week,
Letting people know that I'd released a new album,
Asking people to help.
I never, ever would've expected the response I got.
People whose blogs I'd never visited before that day traced comments back to mine,
Said words like these,
(And did she add the "really" because she knew I'd be tempted to disbelieve her?
She was right.)
On, and this - and this!
(Did they know I needed to know I wasn't alone?)
And I really could link to every single comment.
There were so many -
More than I've ever had before -
And they were all so encouraging!
The willingness of complete strangers to share -
Even those who didn't even get to listen to the CD -
Was just incredible!
(Did you see those words there?
I can't believe someone would say those words about me!
God really must use the small and weak in amazing ways,
Because I'm sure there's nothing in me apart from Him that would be worthy of any of that.)
15 "like"s on my new Facebook page,
Eager friends asking me to post links to my music on their walls so they can listen,
Six people downloading my CD from NoiseTrade in response to these tiny steps I've been taking,
One even giving me my first-ever tip,
The first four dollars and twenty cents I've made as an independent artist.
It sounds so small,
But it really means so, so, so much to me!
I was driving home in my car one day last week
When a song on the CD I'd gotten for Christmas came on,
And I heard words that I knew described where I was at exactly:
"You've shown me my man of Macedonia.
You're calling me further on,
And I'm tired of saying, 'It's a nice idea,
I wish it could be done.'"
(from "Past the Wishing" by Sara Groves)I've been spending all this time hiding.
I finally took a few small steps of faith,
And God rained down more blessings than I could have ever imagined!
It was His way of saying, "It's time to get past the 'nice idea' phase.
It's time for you to go!"
And, honestly, I don't know where I'm going.
I don't know what will happen next.
But I feel Him telling me to do this,
And so I'm going to do it.
It just utterly amazes me!
I am so small and so incapable and so messed-up,
And I often wonder how anyone can understand what I'm saying
Without also having the ability to read my mind.
And, somehow, God takes my imperfect words
And my imperfect songs
And all the missed notes
And all the times my voice was off-pitch
And uses it to reach into people's hearts.
That just blows my mind!
That He would ordain that I could enjoy creating something and others could enjoy listening?
That He would use even an amateur attempt at a record?
I am so amazed,
And just utterly in awe of who He is.
And I'm even more amazed at the fact
That I've been such an idiot - hiding here when I knew better,
And I'll probably end up doing the same thing again (unwittingly, I hope),
But I'm going to try -
I've got to try -
To learn to trust Him.
Really trust Him.
No matter what.
Because He can do anything.
Reasons 2862-2885 today,
Trying to make a habit of trusting Him,
Because He is Faithful,
- He is right in His verdict (Psalm 51:4)
- He is justified when He judges (Psalm 51:4)
- He desires faithfulness even in the womb (Psalm 51:6)
- He teaches His people wisdom in the secret place of the womb (Psalm 51:6)
- Those whom He cleanses with hyssop will be clean (Psalm 51:7)
- Those whom He washes will be whiter than snow (Psalm 51:7)
- He crushes bones (Psalm 51:8)
- He does not delight in sacrifice (Psalm 51:16)
- He does not take pleasure in burnt offerings (Psalm 51:16)
- A broken and contrite heart He will not despise (Psalm 51:17)
- When it pleases Him to prosper Zion, He will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous (Psalm 51:18-19)
- When it pleases Him to prosper Zion, He will delight in burnt offerings offered whole (Psalm 51:18-19)
- When it pleases Him to build up the walls of Jerusalem, He will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous (Psalm 51:18-19)
- When it pleases Him to build up the walls of Jerusalem, He will delight in burnt offerings offered whole (Psalm 51:18-19)
- He brings the wicked down to everlasting ruin (Psalm 52:1-5)
- He snatches up the wicked and plucks them from their tents (Psalm 52:1-5)
- He uproots the wicked from the land of the living (Psalm 52:1-5)
- His people will always praise Him for what He has done (Psalm 52:9)
- His people will always praise Him for what He has done in the presence of His faithful people (Psalm 52:9)
- His people will hope in His Name (Psalm 52:9)
- His people will hope in His Name, for His Name is Good (Psalm 52:9)
- He scatters the bones of those who attack Him (Psalm 53:5)
- He puts those who attack Him to shame (Psalm 53:5)
- He puts those who attack Him to shame, for He despises them (Psalm 53:5)
(I hope you didn't feel I was trying to bribe you -
I'm just so, so grateful for all of your help,
I knew I'd want to be able to give you something in return,
But wasn't sure how much I'd be able to give.
If you felt bribed, you could always share now, since the giveaway's over.)
I have the computer program all ready,
But I'm not going to use it.
There were three I saw who shared,
(Or are planning to share - I saw that, Deena, and I don't want to leave you out!)
Which is more than I expected, honestly,
I just wanted to be prepared . . . just in case,
And I have plenty of CDs available.
So, if Kelli Woodford, Pam, and Deena could slip an address or an email address into the comments?
(I promise I won't publish it, and I'll delete it as soon as I copy the information)
I'll send each of you a hard copy of the CD this weekend,
And, as promised, I'll sign it if you'd like me to.
I am just so, so grateful for each of you!
Thank you all for your help!
It means so much to me!
Also, if anyone wants to share in a different way,
Bandcamp has released new "for fans" accounts.
(This blogger has some great thoughts about what that means for us artists and how wonderful it will be - although there are a few mildly offensive words. My apologies.)
If you happened to be considering purchasing my album through Bandcamp
(Or at least downloading track 2 for free),
You could create a fan page for free
And tell others why you like my music.
Then, when people go to my page to look the album,
They will see your recommendations!
This could have the potential to reach a lot of people,
And would be a huge, huge help to me . . .
If you were thinking about it . . .
If you wouldn't mind?
So, so grateful for all of you!
(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000! So amazing to think of who He is like this!)
<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zkGH23srZ8/T2i3Bun0O9I/AAAAAAAABSw/8giPvnJmCPI/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>
Counting in community:
Also linking up over here,
Walking with Him in new habits,
Trying to learn how to really, really trust.
Would you take time to read some of the other posts?
It'll mean the world to those bloggers if you'd read,
Maybe even comment?
Thank you so much!