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"No matter where I am, your teachings fill me with songs." - Psalm 119:54 (CEV)

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Just Because I Need to Say This . . .


Maybe it's just me,

But I have a hard time sometimes

Remembering that people on stages,

People writing words,

People doing amazing things,

Are people -

Just people.

I know,

I really do,

That they are -

That they're just as sinful and messed-up as I am,

But it looks so much like they've got it all together,

So much like they're so much better than I am,

So much like they're, well, pretty much perfect.

In some ways, that encourages and inspires me to be better myself;

In others, it makes me almost idolize people.


Maybe you know, too,

How people are always saying things about you

That you don't feel you deserve?

And I'm not talking about the bad things,

But the good ones -

Compliments,

Glimpses of how others see you,

That you are so appreciative of,

But you feel that what they're saying is wrong

Because they can't see your heart.


So, I know you already know this,

But, maybe just a reminder?

Because I need to be honest with you.

I need you to know that I am such a mess,

And that all this good you're seeing?

It's not really me.


You see, I know that you weren't there this weekend

Watching me yell at my brother for not listening to me,

Ignore my sister's tears.

I know that you weren't in the room

When I spent hours on my computer

Instead of being with my family.

I know that you might never imagine

The ugly thoughts that go through my head

And that, sometimes, I cling to the very things I ought to be trying to kill.

I know that you might never realize

That sometimes I can be so selfish

And desire attention I shouldn't have.


I know that you don't see me

When I fall asleep praying,

Or cut back on prayer time to catch a few more minutes of rest.

I know that you're not listening

To the things I say out loud I never should've,

The things I say to God I know aren't true.

I know you're not keeping track

Of how many days you can see my joy in Christ

And how many days you can't.

I know the ratio probably looks a lot worse than you think it does.


I know you see the good in me -

The things I often struggle to see

As I wrestle with the state of my heart.

I know you say such nice things,

Like, "such a heart for Jesus",

And, "so humble and such a tender spirit".

I know that you mean them,

And I am so grateful,

So honored to know you see something in me I don't see in myself,

So inspired to strive all the harder to become what you're seeing.

I also know that the heart is deceitful above all things,

And desperately sick,

And I may not be able to understand my heart,

The depths of wickedness rooted in my soul,

But I've seen some,

And it's ugly,

And most times I hate it,

But sometimes I don't.

And I need you to know that.

Really, really know that.

Because I'm not perfect.

Not even close.


I know you already know this,

But all this good you're seeing?

It's Him.

Always, only Him,

Doing His work,

Making me into something I could never be on my own.

So I hope that, when you say these things about me,

As I try to do when I say these things about you,

You have in the front of your mind that I'm a person, just like you are,

And God is the One who has done these things,

So all of the Glory goes to Him -

The only Perfect One.

You do.

I know you do.

But I needed to say this,

Because I needed to remind myself.

It's Him.

Always, only, all Him.


I didn't intend to use this as an example,

But I don't have any reasons to share with you today,

Because, quite honestly, I've been so busy with school that I forgot.

But maybe you have some to share with me?

I always appreciate reading what others are learning about God!

It teaches me so much!

(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000!  So amazing to think of who He is like this!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8zkGH23srZ8/T2i3Bun0O9I/AAAAAAAABSw/8giPvnJmCPI/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community:


Also linking up over here,

Because maybe this really is radical?

I think the world would call it radical,

Crazy,

To say that I'm not and He is,

Crazy to confess to a watching world

That I am an absolute wreck,

And everything good in me is Him.

So, the practice of radical?

I'm going down,

Because down is up.

(Or, at least, I'm going to try.)


Would you take time to read some of the other posts?

It'll mean the world to those bloggers if you'd read,

Maybe even comment?

Thank you so much!


   

9 comments:

Pam said...

Mary, what you write is true of each and every one of us... and I'm so so grateful that because of our Lord, God sees us through Jesus. And that He only sees that He has made us the righteousness of God. Just the fact that we have the sense that we have not measured up at times, or abandoned those we love, or been tactless or whatever is evidence of His Spirit moving in us, calling us His beloved, redeemed. Halleluia! No, none of us is perfect. Least of all those "on stage." All the more blessing for we need Him. Blessings to you, Mary. See yourself as His pearl of great price, for that is what He sees in you, blemishes and all.

bluecottonmemory said...

The more I realize how God loves me in my mess - the more I am able to love others in their mess:) Someone today was saying, "It's so unfair some people don't have any troubles" - and I thought, oh, yes, everyone has troubles, everyone has messes - we just don't always see them:)

Blessings to you this week!

Sylvia R said...

Such a wise post! Because it is too easy to idolize those on display. And because compliments can encourage either growth or deceit, or both at once, if that's possible, and all the good that flows through our lives, it's Him, just Him, all Him. Beautiful!
Rich blessings to you, dear sister!

PS Your photos are gorgeous! I've just been noticing this, by clicking on them and making them large enough for me really to see. I know you don't have time to mess with it now, but sometime in the future, it would be such blessing to all who read here, to see them in larger display. Thanks for the extra blessing they are!

kelli woodford said...

Mary. This is why I like you.

You are real. And even though it hurts sometimes to admit who you really are, you do it anyway. Because the mask we all wear? It begins to strangle after a while.

So glad to see you breathe here. So glad for your flagrant, risky honesty.

None of this surprises God. And it's beautiful to see you live before Him -- to see Him live through you.

Bless you, dear one.

Mary said...

First, thank you. All of you. Thank you so, so much. Honestly, I was afraid to log on today and face your comments, because I was afraid that you might not have understood, that you might've thought - out of your sweet, loving hearts, of course - that maybe this wasn't healthy? That I was dwelling to much on the wrong things? I don't know exactly, I was just so afraid that you wouldn't have understood, that I didn't communicate all this correctly, that . . . and then I read your comments. And I am just so, so blessed (getting a little emotional at the moment) to read your sweet words, to know that you do understand, that you took this in the way that it was intended, and that you appreciate hearing this from me as much as I appreciate hearing it from others. God has blessed me so, so much by bringing each and every one of you into my life, and I am so grateful. So, so grateful.

Mary said...

Oh, Pam, yes! It is so incredible that He would see us like this, that He would see His Righteousness in us! And His work in our hearts truly is so beautiful! So good to know I'm not perfect, and to be able to say that and witness to that, even here, "on stage", and so, so good to know that He sees me as that pearl. So amazing! Thank you so much, Pam!

Mary said...

Hello, bluecottonmemory! Thank you so much for stopping by!

Yes, it is so true!!! His love helps us to love others so much more! Because we really do all have troubles and messes galore, often hidden, buried where no one will see them. We are all in such desperate need of Him!

Blessings to you, too, friend!

Mary said...

Hello, Sylvia!

Yes, it is so, so easy, and compliments are such a blessing, but so tricky at the same time, and all that good (smiling wide now) - yes! It's all Him! Him, Him Him!!! Rich blessings to you, too my dear friend!

Thank you, Sylvia! Actually, I thought these were a little blurry. I will try to make them a bit larger, but I'm not sure how large Blogger will allow . . . So glad you enjoy them! I certainly enjoy taking them!

Mary said...

Oh, thank you, Kelli. It really is all Him. I can't take credit for the work He's done that enables me to do this, especially with the number of times that I should and don't.

Yes, it is risky, but so worth the risk to be real, strip away whatever facades may have come up over time, give all of you a glimpse of the not-so-beautiful parts of my life, and His oh-so-beautiful, abundant Grace!

Oh, I know none of it surprises Him - and to know that, knowing all of it, He would want me is the most beautiful truth I have ever been shown!

It's beautiful to see Him live through you, too, friend! God bless you, as well!

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