Hide and Seek

She asked me to play with her,

To spend my time on her,

Play her favorite game.

I said yes,

For too often I say no,

And how can I say no

When the time I have with these precious ones is so short?

They had a hard time finding me the first two rounds,

On purpose, I think.

He came in, turned on the light, and still did not see.

She walked past me twice,

Came back immediately after finding another

And sat down on top of me.

The third round, I volunteered to be "it".

I grabbed my camera,

Started counting,

Gave the final warning:

". . .23, 24, 25. Ready or not, here I come!"

I headed up the stairs

In the direction the feet had run.

I found him first,

Almost instantly,

Hiding behind door ajar.

I kept searching,

Looking under one bed,

Then another.

(Dirty, aren't they?)

I searched behind the giant inflatable Dora

And behind the couch.

I went to the basement,

Looked underneath everything,

Even under the stairs in the ever-dirty,

Ever-forbidden spot.

I went back upstairs,

Wondering where she could be.

He accused me of not hearing,

Not listening,

Not paying attention.

He said I should have noticed.

I want to notice,

I'm just not that good.

I missed it.

I missed it.

I have to find her.

I went back upstairs,

Remembering the one place I hadn't looked,

Another place that should be on the "forbidden" list

Now that dresses have been moved there.

I peeked in,

Saw her tan legs where they met her white socks.

I found her.

She came out slowly

(Possibly because I was still snapping pictures),

Accepting defeat.

I found her.

It took awhile, but I found her.

I noticed.

The game reminded me of the second verse of a song,

A song that I need to hear over and over again for many reasons,

This being one of them.

I remember running down the hallway playing hide and seek
I didn't know that I was searching for someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I'm s'posed to be learning to love
You let me down again



"[S]earching for someone to notice me".

Do I notice them?

I was thinking just last night of how often I fail,

How many times a day I'm an awful sister,

How many times I fail to notice.

I want to notice.

I want to be there.

I want to love them

And care for them

And build them up

And lead them in the way they should go,

But how can I

When so often I don't do it myself?

One day I try to notice,

The next I try not to.

I want to notice every day,

To be there for them every day.

It's just so hard.

Please, Lord,

Teach me to notice.

The song "7x70" is written and performed by Chris August.  Many thanks to this artist for his incredible music.