Friday

Friday, November 1st, I get home and dig through the pile of papers on the table.

I find an envelope with my name on it,

An envelope and logo with the words I was looking for,

"MESSAGE FROM YOUR SPONSORED CHILD".

I rip it open as I sit down on the couch to read.

I pull out the blue paper and know it's from my correspondent child in the Philippines.

A sweet teenage girl,

She writes about her family and her passion,

Tells stories and shares Bible verses,

And I sit there staring at the paper for minutes after I've read,

Thinking how much I love this girl.

I take the letter back to school with me

And hang it on my letter-display clipboard above my bed

So I can look at her words and think of her every day.

Friday, November 8th, I'm definitely thinking about her.

Compassion sends an email that the Philippines has been hit by Typhoon Haiyan.

They don't have much information yet, but ask for prayer.

And, oh, I'm praying.

That night, my roommate and I watch footage of the devastation on her iPhone.

She says she'd read 100 people had been confirmed dead already.

It hits me even harder.

See, I've lived through some so-called "natural disasters",

But nothing too serious.

None of the serious ones have ever threatened anyone I love.

Until now.

Until this one.

This one has gone directly toward that sweet teenage girl whose letter I'd ripped open a week ago,

The one who loves to cook and tells me of making food for her family,

The one who picks up her first-grade-age sister from school every day,

The one who loves and helps her parents yet feels that maybe at times she has a little too much responsibility.

Oh, I love this girl.

I've never met her face-to-face.

The argument could be made that I don't know her that well,

But my heart is sick to think of the danger that she and her family may have faced.

Saturday, November 9th, I go for my walk

And I'm wrestling with God a bit,

Trying to wrap my head around it all.

I'd told my roommate the night before that it's so hard -

That, on the one hand, I love the Power of God displayed in natural disasters,

The sharp reminder that He is in control, that He is Mighty and Awesome,

Yet this kind of Awesome is maybe not the kind that I'd like,

And springing up from what's left of the sinful nature in my heart is just a hint of the desire to tell God that He can't do that -

That He can't just send gigantic storms that kill people - kill children, like that sweet teenager I have the privilege of corresponding with, like her adorable little sister whom she picks up from school.

I want to pick Him up and put Him in my box.

"Good Gods don't do that."

Boy, do I need to get over myself.

I keep walking and praying and asking Him to help me understand that He is Good,

Even in this,

And it's good to care,

But it's also good to trust.

There's a reason why He's God and I'm not.

Monday, November 11th, Compassion posts on Facebook the areas affected by the typhoon.

Geographically challenged as I am, I go hunting through maps online.

As far as I can tell, the area my correspondent child lives in wasn't among those listed as severely effected.

So, so many children and families do live in those areas, though.

And the estimated deaths are now up at or above 10,000.

There is so much need in the Philippines right now.

There is a need for prayer, and there are so many prayer requests.

Yet, to help those in desperate need, action must be taken as well.

So many organizations are asking for donations.

And, yes, Compassion is one of them.

Compassion has a disaster relief fund already set up to help areas with severe and immediate needs.

Right now, that is the Philippines.

And Compassion stands ready and willing to help.

But first, they need help.

Compassion posted on their blog some guidelines for deciding which relief organizations to donate to?

They didn't promote their own organization too much in that post,

But, from what I know, here's how they meet their own criteria:

They already have people working in the Philippines, so all money that goes into the relief fund is going directly to bring relief, rather than some providing travel money for people to go and the rest being dedicated to relief.

Compassion works through the local church, so it was there before the typhoon hit, and it will be around for long after.  They're not just going in, helping, then leaving again.  They are committed to loving and caring for the people of the Philippines.

There are already people from Compassion traveling and assessing the damage, as well as developing plans to use donations most effectively to bring the Filipinos the greatest possible amount of relief.  They're not just using money arbitrarily, but they are doing so purposefully, even anticipating how needs might change as the immediate impact of the disaster wears off.

So, if God is putting it on your heart, please consider donating to Compassion,

And, if not to Compassion, then please just give as God leads you.

There is so, so much need right now.

Please don't miss the opportunity to make a difference.

Maybe a few words of encouragement from that sweet teenage girl to end with?

In the wake of all this, these words were what I needed to hear.

That wise man?  His house weathered every storm.

Oh, yes, always working for our good.

Even in this.

And the best part?

A Stone of Remembrance

If I were wearing boots, I'd be quaking in them.

I'm standing around,

Waiting for other people to have their turn.

I tell my best friend that I'm so shy,

I don't know what to say.

I've already ripped the plastic wrap off 3 CDs

And she has my camera around her neck.

I'm standing feet from one of my all-time favorite artists

Who's just given a phenomenal concert.

There's so much I'd like to say,

Like, "Thank you for being such an inspiration and encouragement to me."

"Thank you for all those blog posts that are such a help to young artists like me."

"Thank you for writing and singing truth."

"Thank you."

There's just one problem:

I am so shy.

Maybe it's because there's a fan girl in me,

And yet there's also an artist,

And maybe I know better than some just how human she really is?

Yet it feels a bit like meeting one of my heroes.

Maybe that's because it is?

I don't know.

The people in front of me finish,

And it's my turn,

And I open my mouth, not knowing what to say.

Fortunately, I don't have to start the conversation.

She looks at me and tells me I look familiar.

I'm absolutely shocked.

Somehow, the words, "Um, we've communicated online a couple of times" come out.

She thinks for a moment, then she says my name.

"Mary."

She knows my name.

This is turning out to be something even I wouldn't have dreamed up.

(And, believe me, I've dreamed up some pretty interesting encounters.)

She asks what I've been up to.

I stutter something about homework.

(Because, really, what else do college students do?

I can guarantee they don't sleep.)

Maybe she had to clarify,

Or maybe she wanted to know both,

Because next she says something about my music,

What I'm doing with that.

I don't even remember exactly what it was that she said,

But I know I would never have brought up my music on my own.

What have I been doing with my music lately?

It's kind of been one of those seasons . . .

Just no time.

And yet, there's more time than there was last year.

Maybe I just haven't been making time?

I manage to say that I haven't been doing as much as I'd like to,

But my goal for Christmas break is to put a set together.

She signs my 3 CDs

And we pose for a picture,

And I go home,

Scarcely even able to believe that Christa Wells knew who I was . . .

And asked about my music . . .

It takes me awhile to get to bed.

First, I must share the excitement of the evening with my friends on Facebook.

Then come the usual before-bed activities.

I open my composition book to write,

But it's a little hard with the refrain of "Shine" still coming through clear and strong in my head.

Instead, I flip through earlier pages,

Hurriedly scribbled characters

Spelling out the words I twist in my brain.

There are songs about friendship,

Songs about reconciliation,

Songs about mental illness,

Songs about laughter,

And lots of songs about being tired and needing sleep.

(I guess I should make more of an effort to write earlier in the day . . .)

I remember the events that sparked them -

The songs about death from when I watched my grandmother slip away,

The song about going into the river from a particularly inspirational sermon,

The song about steamer trunks from my family's summer cleaning project.

I look back on the pages

And find my years traced out in song,

These tiny stones of remembrance

Of the Faithfulness of God.

I finally manage to write something,

But falling asleep seems to be a different problem.

I can't stop thinking about my music -

All I've done,

All I haven't done.

But it's good.

It's good to remember what this last year has held.

It's good to remember that God has been working,

Even if it seems,

In my crazy, day-to-day life,

That not much has been going on music-wise.

Maybe it's time for me to lay a few stones of remembrance here?

What's Happened With My Music in the Past Year:

January
I got braver and ask some friends to critique a song for me while on a road trip.  They really liked it and asked me to sing it as we're riding in the van.  Very nervously, I did.  When I finished, everyone applauded.  I was humbled.
My friend encourages me to not write "elementary lyrics".  He knows that I can do better.  And I can.
I released Masterpiece, Album #2.
I'd gotten better at recording.
Maybe I'm getting a bit better at marketing, too?
I created a Facebook page the day after it released.
I asked for help through this blog in sharing about it.
Kelli Woodford and Pam Depoyan kindly responded to my pleas.
I'd never met them before, but I'm so glad I know them now!
I made my first $4.20 as an independent artist (and then some in the following weeks . . .).
I asked for $5 per album . . . and I sold almost all that I'd made (which wasn't very many, but every time someone asked for one, it meant the world to me).
"Past the Wishing" became the song that marked this season of my life.

February
According to Facebook, had writer's block for a couple of days.
Fortunately, it's never lasted too long.
Had my siblings take some new pictures of me.
Sold more CDs.
My amazing best friend recorded my first-ever interview, during which I talked way too much.
Lent.  I write "Fall on Grace".  I needed that song.  Still do.  Every day.
I showed the song to the friend who had given me advice on lyrics before, telling him those were the least elementary lyrics I'd ever written.  He agreed.
I nervously email my first draft to Ann Voskamp, whose post inspired the song.  She kindly writes back and thanks me for grace.

March
I'm just going to paste this from Facebook:

So Sunday, two days after once again coming face-to-face with some of my fears about my music (and particularly my voice, which happens to be my greatest insecurity in this area), two of the people at my church who had purchased CDs from me told me how much they enjoyed them! And one specifically told me that I had a lovely voice! It's amazing how God uses people to encourage us in exactly the areas in which we need the most encouragement! So blessed!

Released a demo recording of "Fall on Grace", which is still one of my favorite songs.
At one point, I was so inspired that I wrote songs on scrap paper in the middle of the day.  I love it when that happens!  So much fun!
Received a lot of encouragement from friends - seriously, there are days that this is what keeps me sharing what I write!

April
The cover art from my album was accepted in my school's art show.  Pretty impressive considering I used a cheap program that won't do what I want it to.
I was having trouble deciding what to write about and ended up with my best attempt yet on the issue of human trafficking.
I had a hard time going to sleep because I could imagine exactly how I would want a recording of the
song to sound and I really wanted to record it.
Several friends critiqued for me and one even started working on a guitar part for me.
Still would like to get that song recorded . . .

May
Divided songs on Noisetrade into albums.
Started working on my website.
Talked with Dad about maybe doing voice lessons.
Looked back at God's Faithfulness in my music.
Found that even remodeling can inspire music (as if there was ever any doubt).
Signed up to do special music in July.

June
Continued working on website in spare time.
Worked on updating all social media to match website.
Got my keyboard set back up in my room again.
Was a counselor at summer camp.  Sang one of my newer songs to my campers and they loved it.  One little girl wanted a recording.

July
Officially announced the new website.
Planned two weeks before special music to play the song I'd sung to my campers and an arrangement of "Past the Wishing".  Practiced once and made little progress.
Planned one week before special music to play "Fall on Grace" with a piano accompaniment and "How He Loves" because I knew it.  Lost hours of sleep throughout the week getting ready.
Asked Dad for help critiquing accompaniments and almost started bawling telling him how much I wanted to be doing music over the summer and literally hadn't had any time to practice.  The voice lessons the two of us had talked about earlier in the year never happened.
Played the songs for special music and even told the story behind "Fall on Grace".  Received a lot of compliments.

August
Started working on videos from July performance.
Had a little more time to practice.
Spent a couple nights before school started playing the piano for quite awhile.  Realized how much I miss that when I don't get it.

September
Was inspired to write in the middle of the day again.
Roommates critiqued some lyrics for me.  So good to have feedback!
Got the videos from my July performance posted.
Got to practice the piano for HPE homework.  Three times.  Best assignments ever!

October
Had a tough week struggling with sin.  Fought by playing and singing for awhile, and later singing hymns while doing the dishes.
Got to pose for a friend's art project (a.k.a. got to play the piano for over an hour!!!).
Went to Christa Wells' concert.  This is the closest thing I get to creative community, and it was awesome.
All the stuff this post started with.
Had several people ask about my music since the Christa Wells concert.  People at my new church are now starting to find out that I write.
Realized that my lyrics have been a bit more "elementary" lately and resolved to do better.
Spent the last several days thinking about my music, what God's been doing in my life, and what this all means to me.  Which has been totally awesome.

So, in sum?

God is Good.

And I've been missing that lately.

I've started praying for guidance again

As I'm trying to take steps on this crazy path He's leading me down

And hopefully I'll be paying more attention

To His Faithfulness in leading me as I walk.

Thank You, Jesus.

 

Black or White?

It's the question he asks,

Trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday.

Black or white?

Mom had asked awhile back about things that I might want for future gifts.

I'd told her that I wanted an iPod touch.

She, of course, had no idea what one was,

So it was up to Dad to go shopping.

And now he was asking about color preference.

I'd figured it was coming soon,

When I'd have to find some way to explain what I was going to do.

So I tell him what I'd heard about FreedomMaker,

Tell him I really don't want any physical gifts,

But this,

I want this so much.

He tries to understand.

See, I've been wanting an i-something for a long time.

In the past, it's been about getting stuff.

Now, it's more about usefulness.

An iPod touch would provide me with Internet access anywhere there's wifi.

It would enable me to download awesome apps (like the Bible?  Solid Joys?),

Not just cool stuff,

But stuff I could use to help me seek God and love Him more.

And, most importantly, it would hold all my music,

Organized in a much more logical fashion than my current mp3 player,

With pretty pictures of the album covers,

Ready for use to help focus my thoughts on what's important.

Of course, it will also become way too convenient to get on Facebook,

Check email,

But it would also give me the ability to text

And provide an easier way to listen to music when working on big projects,

All without the data plan fee of many, many dollars per month.

There's just been one problem with this desire:

I can't justify wasting $200 of my own money in one shot on a toy.

Especially when I'm so involved with Compassion and such a supporter of IJM,

When I'm coming to understand more and more just how much need there is in the world . . .

(Although my understanding is still woefully inadequate)

It just didn't feel right.

So, I picked what is obviously a much better solution:

(Yes, the above line was intended with a good bit of sarcasm.)

I asked my parents to get it for me.

Well, when I asked, I thought they'd give it for Christmas.

I didn't realize they were thinking so soon.

But God put this on my heart.

I have so much.

I honestly don't need anything else,

Including any fancy electronic toys beginning with the letter "i".

My needs are met.

I have food in my stomach,

A roof over my head,

An education,

My freedom.

There are a lot of people in the world who don't have those things.

The more I thought about it,

The less I wanted presents for my birthday.

Really, what's it worth?

I wanted to put my desire into action

And make a difference.

As I felt God tugging me that way,

I (nervously) followed.

I feel like I'm able to do so little to fight such a big problem -

And human trafficking is a HUGE problem -

But I can do this one little thing.

Moreover, I want to do this

With all my heart.

My Mom tells me that they've given to my campaign,

But they're going to give me some presents anyway.

I can't really control what they do,

But I don't like the feeling in my stomach.

I hope it's just the stuff she has laying in her room that I've picked out in the past,

'Cause I can't stand the thought of getting anything else

When this is what I want:

To bring freedom

And make a difference.

This is where my heart is.

I thought it might be tough to give up my birthday presents.

Honestly, I think it's one of the easiest (and best!) things I've ever done.

Reasons 5053-5111 today,

Seeing who He is

And praying that changes who I am:

5053. He has laid a heavy burden on mankind (Ecclesiastes 1:13)
5054. It is from His hand that a person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil (Ecclesiastes 2:24)
5055. Without Him, no one can eat (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25)
5056. Without Him, no one can find enjoyment (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25)
5057. To the person who pleases Him, He gives wisdom (Ecclesiastes 2:26)
5058. To the person who pleases Him, He gives knowledge (Ecclesiastes 2:26)
5059. To the person who pleases Him, He gives happiness (Ecclesiastes 2:26)
5060. To the sinner He gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases Him (Ecclesiastes 2:26)
5061. He has made everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
5062. He has set eternity in the human heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
5063. No one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
5064. Eating is His gift to people (Ecclesiastes 3:13)
5065. Drinking is His gift to people (Ecclesiastes 3:13)
5066. Finding satisfaction in toil is His gift to people (Ecclesiastes 3:13)
5067. Everything He does will endure forever (Ecclesiastes 3:14)
5068. Everything He does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it (Ecclesiastes 3:14)
5069. He does everything so that people will fear Him (Ecclesiastes 3:14)
5070. He will call the past to account (Ecclesiastes 3:15)
5071. He will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked (Ecclesiastes 3:17)
5072. He tests humans so that they may see that they are like the animals (Ecclesiastes 3:18)
5073. He has no pleasure in fools (Ecclesiastes 5:4)
5074. He has given people the few days of life (Ecclesiastes 5:18)
5075. He sometimes gives wealth and possessions (Ecclesiastes 5:19)
5076. He sometimes gives wealth and possessions and the ability to enjoy them (Ecclesiastes 5:19)
5077. He sometimes gives wealth and possessions and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil (Ecclesiastes 5:19)
5078. He keeps people occupied with gladness of heart (Ecclesiastes 5:20)
5079. He gives some people wealth, possessions and honor, so that they lack nothing their hearts desire (Ecclesiastes 6:2)
5080. He gives some people wealth, possessions and honor, so that they lack nothing their hearts desire, but He does not grant them the ability to enjoy them (Ecclesiastes 6:2)
5081. He gives some people wealth, possessions and honor, so that they lack nothing their hearts desire, but He does not grant them the ability to enjoy them, and strangers enjoy them instead (Ecclesiastes 6:2)
5082. No one can straighten what He has made crooked (Ecclesiastes 7:13)
5083. He has made the good times (Ecclesiastes 7:14)
5084. He has made the bad times (Ecclesiastes 7:14)
5085. He created mankind upright (Ecclesiastes 7:29)
5086. He created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes (Ecclesiastes 7:29)
5087. Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, it will go better with those who fear Him (Ecclesiastes 8:12)
5088. Although a wicked person who commits a hundred crimes may live a long time, it will go better with those who are reverent before Him (Ecclesiastes 8:12)
5089. Because the wicked do not fear Him, it will not go well with them (Ecclesiastes 8:13)
5090. Because the wicked do not fear Him, their days will not lengthen like a shadow (Ecclesiastes 8:13)
5091. He gives people life (Ecclesiastes 8:15)
5092. His work under the sun cannot be found out by man (Ecclesiastes 8:17)
5093. The meaning of His work under the sun cannot be found out by man, despite all their efforts to search it out (Ecclesiastes 8:17)
5094. Even if the wise claim to know, the meaning of His work under the sun cannot really be comprehended by man (Ecclesiastes 8:17)
5095. The righteous are in His hands (Ecclesiastes 9:1)
5096. The wise are in His hands (Ecclesiastes 9:1)
5097. What the righteous do is in His hands (Ecclesiastes 9:1)
5098. What the wise do is in His hands (Ecclesiastes 9:1)
5099. He has already approved what people do (Ecclesiastes 9:7)
5100. He has given people all the days of their meaningless lives under the sun (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
5101. He has given people all their meaningless days (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
5102. No one can understand His work (Ecclesiastes 11:5)
5103. He is the Maker of all things (Ecclesiastes 11:5)
5104. He will bring people into judgment for everything (Ecclesiastes 11:9)
5105. He gave the spirit (Ecclesiastes 12:7)
5106. The spirit returns to Him who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7)
5107. The duty of all mankind is to fear Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13)
5108. The duty of all mankind is to keep His commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13)
5109. He will bring every deed into judgment (Ecclesiastes 12:14)
5110. He will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing (Ecclesiastes 12:14)
5111. He will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil (Ecclesiastes 12:14)

Counting 10,000 Reasons to worship Him: 

(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000!  So amazing to think of who He is like this!)

<a href="http://maryschieferstein.blogspot.com/search/label/10000%20Reasons" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitidrfBKBWTHSBiWyh3WMRKjHFgYKk-RxjYB9-uePQb1-uI3t3bjysPnR65zloJJ0LgTqhT5kW70Rk8VOC2utXFUWhGRPIxNCqzZ_9YQryYPMJdj2XpiX0oawLUiMnmxFOeMkmjk3IIA/s320/10000ReasonsButton.jpg" /></a>

Counting in community: 


Linking up at A Holy Experience today, counting gifts.

Thankful for:
~ Too long staring at screens
~ Laughter with my best friend
~ Sharing concerns with my roommate
~ How God's been causing me to look at what He's done in the past year
~ Jamming to new Christa Wells CDs while doing homework
~ Warm tea to soothe a sore throat
~ Late nights - so many late nights