Looking Back

I've been looking back this week,

Looking back on months and years past,

Chords and microphones,

My chicken scratch filling piles of composition books,

Selecting . . . and which ones?

The best?

Which ones are the best?

The ones that touch me?

The ones that inspire me?

The ones that came from my heart?

Yeah, that really narrows down the pile.

They're all like that.

(Well, almost . . . like 99.2% . . .)

I've been listening this week,

To recordings made one,

Two,

Three years ago,

Songs I wrote two to three years ago,

Just to make sure they play

After hours of fighting with Noisetrade,

Reuploading to divide my songs into albums.

I remember that they didn't turn out well,

Polished, like studio albums,

That I'm not the best at accompaniments,

Maybe not terribly great with melodies, either.

And I hate listening to my own voice,

My own recordings.

All I hear are the imperfections.

I've been looking ahead the past week,

Month,

Year,

Trying to decide what to do next,

And it's a big step

And I have to admit that I'm a bit nervous and afraid,

But maybe it's time?

I think God told me a long time ago that it is,

I'm just too stubborn, lazy, and foolish to listen.

And, in looking ahead, I've been looking back,

Typing in paragraph tags and pasting in line breaks,

Eyes skimming words that I wrote so long ago,

Words that are as familiar to me as a treasured keepsake,

Words that came, some out of simple, passing thoughts about life,

But most directly from my own pain,

My own struggles,

My own wrestleings,

My own emotions,

And I poured my heart and soul into these songs,

And I've always thought that they weren't really that good . . .



But I'm drawn to them.

These songs -

Even the first one I ever wrote -

They all mean a lot to me.

They've done more than express the feelings in my heart,

In turning around and going back, they've touched my heart,

Made me see where I was,

What I was struggling with,

How God's been faithful,

How I still have a lot to learn.

A lot to learn.

I've been looking back.

Such grace in looking back.

Reasons 4122-4164 today,

Looking back at what I've read,

Digging deeper to really understand,

Or, at least, trying to.

So much to learn.

Counting:

4122. His love is great, higher than the heavens (Psalm 108:4)
4123. His faithfulness reaches to the skies (Psalm 108:4)
4124. He has rejected His people (Psalm 108:11)
4125. He no longer goes out with His people's armies (Psalm 108:11)
4126. He tramples down His people's enemies (Psalm 108:13)
4127. He stands at the right hand of the needy (Psalm 108:31)
4128. He stands at the right hand of the needy to save their lives from those who would condemn them (Psalm 109:31)
4129. He makes His enemies a footstool for His feet (Psalm 110:1)
4130. He will extend His mighty scepter from Zion (Psalm 110:2)
4131. He will rule in the midst of His enemies (Psalm 110:2)
4132. His troops will be willing on His day of battle (Psalm 110:3)
4133. He has sworn (Psalm 110:4)
4134. He will not change His mind (Psalm 110:4)
4135. He is a priest forever (Psalm 110:4)
4136. He is a priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek (Psalm 110:4)
4137. He is at His right hand (Psalm 110:5)
4138. He will crush kings on the day of His wrath (Psalm 110:5)
4139. He will judge the nations (Psalm 110:6)
4140. He will judge the nations, heaping up the dead (Psalm 110:6)
4141. He will judge the nations, crushing the rulers of the whole earth (Psalm 110:6)
4142. He will drink from a brook (Psalm 110:7)
4143. He will lift His head high (Psalm 110:7)
4144. His great works are pondered by all who delight in them (Psalm 111:2)
4145. His deeds are glorious (Psalm 111:3)
4146. His deeds are majestic (Psalm 111:3)
4147. His deeds are glorious and majestic (Psalm 111:3)
4148. His Righteousness endures forever (Psalm 111:3)
4149. He has caused His wonders to be remembered (Psalm 111:4)
4150. He provides food for those who fear Him (Psalm 111:5)
4151. He has shown His people the power of His works (Psalm 111:6)
4152. He has shown His people the power of His works, giving them the lands of other nations (Psalm 111:6)
4153. The works of His hands are faithful and just (Psalm 111:7)
4154. All His precepts are trustworthy (Psalm 111:7)
4155. The works of His hands are established for ever and ever (Psalm 111:8)
4156. All His precepts are established for ever and ever (Psalm 111:8)
4157. The works of His hands are established for ever and ever, enacted in faithfulness and uprightness (Psalm 111:8)
4158. All His precepts are established for ever and ever, enacted in faithfulness and uprightness (Psalm 111:8)
4159. He provided redemption for His people (Psalm 111:9)
4160. He ordained His covenant forever (Psalm 111:9)
4161. Holy is His Name (Psalm 111:9)
4162. Awesome is His Name (Psalm 111:9)
4163. All who follow His precepts have good understanding (Psalm 111:10)
4164. To Him belongs eternal praise (Psalm 111:10)

Counting 10,000 Reasons to worship Him: 

(Sylvia's already made it to - past - 10,000!  So amazing to think of who He is like this!)

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Counting in community: