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"No matter where I am, your teachings fill me with songs." - Psalm 119:54 (CEV)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Writer's Block


The last week has been so crazy that I've barely had time to breathe -

At least, that's how it seems.

I think I've just been wasting a lot of my time.

Whatever the case, I feel like I've had no time,

Yet I have nothing to write about.


The light at the end of the tunnel I was seeing last week has since vanished,

Probably due to my inability (not perceived this time, either) to have any real alone time for five days,

Which I think I might be just starting to recover from.

I'll have to wait and see.

I've posted so much about these struggles

That, at the moment, I have nothing more to say.


Then there's the e-mail I opened this morning,

Which dealt a painful (but much-needed) blow to my pride and ambition,

But those two lines are sufficient to describe that experience,

Not much more to say about it,

Other than it drew me to my knees.


I could tell you about my attempts to record one song yesterday.

Finally succeeding,

Although noises and distractions caused it to take most of the day.

Now doesn't really seem like the time, though,

And it isn't that interesting of a story.


I could tell you about the wonderful book I listened to recently,

How true it was,

Share the stories from my own life that go along with it,

But it's a sensitive topic.

My heart isn't ready for that kind of effort right now,

And I have so much work to catch up on that I feel I don't have the time to spend the hours it will take to write that post well.

In fact, I have so much to say on the topic that it might take a series,

A task I'm definitely don't feel I can handle in my current state.


So I guess I'll do what I do when I sit down to write music

And no idea seems quite right,

The words just won't start forming,

And I can't find the slightest hint of inspiration:

Open my Bible.



Psalm 143

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

(A psalm by David.)

A Prayer in Time of Danger

143 Listen, Lord, as I pray!
    You are faithful and honest
    and will answer my prayer.
I am your servant.
    Don’t try me in your court,
    because no one is innocent
    by your standards.
My enemies are chasing me,
    crushing me in the ground.
I am in total darkness,
    like someone long dead.
    I have given up all hope,
    and I feel numb all over.
I remember to think about
the many things
    you did
    in years gone by.
Then I lift my hands in prayer,
because my soul is a desert,
    thirsty for water from you.
Please hurry, Lord,
and answer my prayer.
    I feel hopeless.
    Don’t turn away
    and leave me here to die.
Each morning let me learn
more about your love
    because I trust you.
I come to you in prayer,
    asking for your guidance.
Please rescue me
from my enemies, Lord!
    I come to you for safety.
10 You are my God. Show me
    what you want me to do,
    and let your gentle Spirit
    lead me in the right path.
11 Be true to your name, Lord,
    and keep my life safe.
    Use your saving power
    to protect me from trouble.
12 I am your servant.
    Show how much you love me
    by destroying my enemies.


Oh, this is my prayer today!

If I were writing a song, I would look at this Psalm a little at a time,

Rephrase the ideas to make it rhyme, fit a melody,

But I don't need that right now.

I just need to read these words over

And over

And over again.

He knew what I needed today,

And this -

This was it.

My words can wait for another day.

His words are better.

So much better.


I didn't have access to a computer last week,

Slacked off the last two days,

So the list is much, much shorter than usual.

Still, counting,

Because I need His words so much more than I need my own,

Need to know who He is so much more than I need to know who I am,

Because when my focus is on Him,

Everything is as it ought to be.

I can stop worrying about me

And just focus on Him,

And He is all I need.

He is all I have.

Reasons 1448-1473 this week:
  1. He gives vast armies into the hands of the king He has chosen (1 Kings 20:13)
  2. He gives vast armies so that the king will know that He is the LORD (1 Kings 20:13)
  3. He knows who will do what He has said will happen (1 Kings 20:14)
  4. He declares who will start the battle (1 Kings 20:14)
  5. He rules over both the hills and the valleys (1 Kings 20:28)
  6. He delivers vast armies into the hands of the king He has chosen to show the foreign nations that He is the LORD (1 Kings 20:28)
  7. He causes lions to kill those who refuse to obey Him (1 Kings 20:35-36)
  8. He punishes those who set free those whom He has determined should die (1 Kings 20:42)
  9. He promises the death of the one who murdered a man and seized his property (1 Kings 21:19)
  10. He brings disaster on those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes (1 Kings 21:20-21)
  11. He wipes out the descendants of those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes (1 Kings 21:20-21)
  12. He cuts off from those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes every last male in the nation (1 Kings 21:20-21)
  13. He destroys the houses of those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes (1 Kings 21:20-22)
  14. He brings destruction upon those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes because they have aroused His anger (1 Kings 21:20-22)
  15. He brings destruction upon those who have sold themselves to evil in His eyes because they have caused the nation to sin (1 Kings 21:20-22)
  16. He delays disaster for those who humble themselves before Him (1 Kings 21:29)
  17. He sits on His throne (1 Kings 22:19)
  18. The multitudes of heaven stand around Him on His right and on His left (1 Kings 22:19)
  19. He sends spirits to entice kings into attacking (1 Kings 22:20-22)
  20. He sends spirits to entice kings into going to their death (1 Kings 22:20-22)
  21. He sends spirits to be deceiving spirits in the mouths of all the king's prophets (1 Kings 22:20-22)
  22. He grants success to the spirits He sends (1 Kings 22:22)
  23. He decrees disaster (1 Kings 22:23)
  24. He decrees disaster for those whom He chooses (1 Kings 22:23)
  25. Events happen as His word has declared (1 Kings 22:38)
  26. His anger is aroused by those who serve and worship other gods (1 Kings 22:53)


Thanks for putting up with me this week . . .

And always . . .

It is truly appreciated.



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6 comments:

Melody ________________________________ said...

Okay, this is totally amazing! God led me to that chapter a couple months ago when I was even then trudging through this tunnel and it was so precious to me. Sometimes when I'm really defeated, I'll go and read it and it puts fresh hope in me. Thank you for sharing it here as I really needed to read it today.

Christina said...

"Because I need His words so much more than I need my own." Isn't that so true? I love how His Word meets us right where we are, fills that void, answers that longing. I love the photos and appreciate your heart. May He bless you and draw you to His side. Blessings!

Mary said...

Oh, Melody, thank you so much for sharing that! I'm sure it's a God-thing. I just ran into this chapter today. I have had the first two verses memorized for months, but can never remember the reference. I was walking around praying, "Don’t try me in your court, because no one is innocent by your standards" and decided I should probably find out where that came from. Turns out that Psalm was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was able to appreciate it today. Praise God!

Hope - there's such hope in that passage, isn't there? Praise God for words of hope when we most need them!

Still praying for you, friend. Hopefully He'll help both of us out of this soon. If not, we'll just keep trusting. Waiting and trusting. He'll be faithful. God bless!

Mary said...

Hello, Christina! So good to "see" you!

Ah, yes! So, so true. Yet it seems that my words are on my mind far, far more frequently than His. That really ought to change. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

Oh, it's amazing how His Word does that! Thank you for putting it into words. You describe it so well!

Oh, thank you. The photos came out better than I thought they did. Most of the credit goes to my fancy new camera, though. The automatic setting does a great job with manual focus.

Well, my heart's not having such a good day, words aren't coming like they normally do, not even sure how to express myself, but thank you. It must be Him. Always Him.

Oh, thank you so much. That's what I desire more than anything right now - to be close to Him. Thank you.

Blessings for you, too, friend! Thank you so much for visiting!

CynthiaJSwenson said...

Mary, I just have to say how much you young women amaze me when God's Spirit is filling you! I must find Paul's verses about there being nothing good in us apart from God's Spirit! I'm comfortable with that but the part that is amazing me lately is that He truly does come to live in us! Praying that you would be filled to overflowing! Love, in Jesus, Cynthia

Mary said...

Oh, Cynthia, I'm not really feeling it lately, but thank you. Thank you. Yes, it is all Him - truly, He is the only good thing in us - and, yes, it is amazing!

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. That's definitely what I need right now.

My love to you, friend. God bless!

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