"No matter where I am, your teachings fill me with songs." - Psalm 119:54 (CEV)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Maybe . . .


I felt it again today.  That feeling I learned about a couple of months ago.

Maybe I need to be brought to the breaking point
To understand whole one more time.

Every once in a while, I had been feeling burdened for no apparent reason.  Weighed down, longing for a way to be free, desperate for a way out.

I felt it on Maundy Thursday.

I knew I wouldn't be able to go to church that evening.  I had been thinking about how I would miss the stories, how I would miss those bits of Scripture woven together, that reminder of what my Savior did for me.

I felt it on Maundy Thursday and I knew.

I thought by myself I'd be just fine,
But that's not true at all.

It had taken me three years to read through the Book, three years to read each introduction and each verse, three years - cover-to-cover.

I thought I had accomplished what I needed to.  I thought I could move on to just reading a devotional every day.  After all, devotionals have Scripture.  That should be enough for me, right?


Maybe I need to take this test
To understand what it is I've missed.
I thought by myself I could stand,
But all I've done is fall.

When I felt it that Maundy Thursday, I knew that I was missing something.  Something important.

The Word.

The daily reading of the Words that bring Life.

I was missing it.

I felt it . . .

And I knew.

My heart is an empty well,
A parched, desert land.
Will You take this empty shell
And fill it up again?

I knew what it was I needed and I reached for it, longing to read just a word out of that precious Book.

But first . . .

I took the moment to find a word to describe the feeling, the longing.

I am thirsty.

Then I took the feeling, the longing, the thirst and put it into words,

Into poetry,

Into music.

I am thirsty.

Once I had taken the time to capture the thirst so that I would never forget, I grabbed and I read, thirsty for words much better and much more important than my own - God's Words.

My heart is an empty well,
A parched, desert land.
Will You take this empty shell
And fill it up again?

I am thirsty.
I am thirsty.

I found that, as I took in those precious Words, the weight lifted and I felt filled, more filled than I'd been in a long time.

I was filled, and I learned.

. . . maybe I'm the one who moved
Or maybe I just can't see
That, right here, in this very room,
You are holding me.

Hold me.

Today I returned from spending a precious (almost) two days with my friend - one of my two best friends, in fact.

In spending time with her, our relationship was strengthened, which was important, . . .

But, for those (almost) two days, my focus was her.

It isn't that focusing on a friend is a bad thing.  In fact, I find it to be a very good thing.  That is how we build one another up.

Still, in focusing on my friend, I lost my morning time spent focusing only on the Ultimate Focus, God.

So I was thirsty.

I walked into the house, putting my stuff down, thinking, "I need time with God, time in the Word.  Now."

I am thirsty.

I was desperate to be filled again.

I took the worn Book in my hands . . .

The corner so worn that a little bit of cover is coming off - in addition to the little that already has come off.

The edges where there used to be pink, but now the cream colors that had hidden underneath are showing.

The duct-tape from where the binding began to come apart.

A church sign I once saw said, "A Bible falling apart belongs to someone who isn't."

I think there's truth in that.

I'll admit that sometimes I am falling apart, . . .

But clinging to this Book holds me together enough for its Author to bring healing.

Sometimes it takes time, but, eventually, I'm not falling apart anymore.

Today, I was falling apart just because I was thirsty.

My heart is an empty well,
A parched, desert land.

So I reached, I grabbed, I clung . . .

Will You take this empty shell
And fill it up again?

I need this.  Desperately.  I have come to the point where I can't survive without it . . .

And that's where I want to be.

That's where I want to stay.

Sometimes, thirsty reminds me that I have something - rather, SomeOne - to be thirsty for.

I am thirsty.
I am thirsty.

But I know the only One who can fill.

Just a friendly reminder:  The italicized, bolded words, along with the handwritten words in two of the pictures are lyrics which are copyrighted - ©2011 Mary Schieferstein

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